Hello, my name is ____ and I have a mental disorder. I don't know what it's called clinically, but it could be compared to schizophrenia or bi-polar symptoms. No, I have not been diagnosed by a psychiatrist or a doctor. But by the loved ones who know me better than they do. And by my own self evaluation in truth. I'm not ashamed of it now, because I'm getting a handle on how to manage it, and do better, rather than worse most days. This "disorder", or "feeling" begins in my mind and circulates throughout my body, even causing physical pain and discomfort. It travels out of my mouth, then back into my head and through my muscles. These symptoms create a "fear" that is usually debilitating to the mind and body. The reason it must be a "disorder", is because one moment its as if everything is normal, even keeled, and steady. And then without warning or recognition it rips out of me emotions and hurt and emptiness as if I've never healed from any wounds I've received. And I go burning inside against these feelings and the wonder why they exist is crushing in itself.
But the truth is, that I HAVE been healed of all my wounds throughout the course of my life. I AM healed, everyday. And that I am a completely and highly functioning human being. I have achieved great feats in my life and traveled a million miles around the world to learn that I have to watch my every step. Sitting at the table and sharing a meal with families and friends of many cultures. And learning about myself and humanity through these experiences. I have created literature, songs, poems, melodies, photographs, visual art, living structures, and yes, I have created love, happiness, joy, care for others, an ear for others problems, and compassion for the well being of others. I have created all that and more throughout my life, and have never ceased in doing so.
I am someone who's passion is for love on earth. But fights against the opposition to love and the rejection of love, within myself. The fighting within myself has been my weakness. It has been just as strong as me, and I am very physically strong, but the weakness is also very strong. And as I have said it can and has beat me sometimes in the battle.
There are many answers. There are many cures. But the question for me is, can I manage the practice of managing my own psyche everyday?
It's tough. It isn't easy. It's a struggle. I need the help of loved ones sometimes. I need the right order of business surrounding me. I too, need the ear of a friend, the compassion of a lover, the company of good friends. Like we all do sonetimes. I need to do something with my hands. I need to continue to train my brain. I need to love this traveling man. I need to keep my eyes on the prize. And keep my head from the shadows. And remember to remember. God in all things. And thankfulness and forgiveness to my loved ones and friends.
It ain't easy dadgumitt! But the true me is worth it.
But the truth is, that I HAVE been healed of all my wounds throughout the course of my life. I AM healed, everyday. And that I am a completely and highly functioning human being. I have achieved great feats in my life and traveled a million miles around the world to learn that I have to watch my every step. Sitting at the table and sharing a meal with families and friends of many cultures. And learning about myself and humanity through these experiences. I have created literature, songs, poems, melodies, photographs, visual art, living structures, and yes, I have created love, happiness, joy, care for others, an ear for others problems, and compassion for the well being of others. I have created all that and more throughout my life, and have never ceased in doing so.
I am someone who's passion is for love on earth. But fights against the opposition to love and the rejection of love, within myself. The fighting within myself has been my weakness. It has been just as strong as me, and I am very physically strong, but the weakness is also very strong. And as I have said it can and has beat me sometimes in the battle.
There are many answers. There are many cures. But the question for me is, can I manage the practice of managing my own psyche everyday?
It's tough. It isn't easy. It's a struggle. I need the help of loved ones sometimes. I need the right order of business surrounding me. I too, need the ear of a friend, the compassion of a lover, the company of good friends. Like we all do sonetimes. I need to do something with my hands. I need to continue to train my brain. I need to love this traveling man. I need to keep my eyes on the prize. And keep my head from the shadows. And remember to remember. God in all things. And thankfulness and forgiveness to my loved ones and friends.
It ain't easy dadgumitt! But the true me is worth it.
