Friday, December 28, 2012

Unconscious/Conscience Love Contrasted

An unconscious love starts in the heart and tickles the mind, but does not reconnect with the soul.
An unconscious love waits in the heart while it tempts the mind, but does not employ the soul.
An unconscious love possesses the heart like a prison, breaks down the mind like a malfunction, and becomes blind to the needs of the soul.
An unconscious love burns in the heart, whirlwinds the mind, and does not remember the soul exists.

A conscience love reconnects with the soul, fills the heart, and frees the mind.
A conscience love reconnects with the needs of the soul, fulfills the heart, and opens the mind.
A conscience love is the soul being fulfilled, becoming the heart, and filling the mind with love.
A conscience love is the soul purpose, opening your body and mind to fulfillment of itself in communion with others.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Monday, December 24, 2012

Fairytale of New York

Christmas is a time we're supposed to be  with the ones we love.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

The Zen Porch.


Maybe meditating on the porch has brought about the amount of Sun we've had lately here in West Seattle. Or, maybe yesterday being the beginning of the Bronze Age of time when the Sun's orbit has aligned with the Sirius sun on opposite axis but are ascending now, not descending anymore, has brought this to us. The sun's orbit definitely affects/coincides with our human conscience. So maybe since there's been full sun since yesterday morning, Seattle's outlook will from now on be sunnier than ever known before!

"The Song of the Conscious Ant"

This world can offer me the desires of my ego
This world can offer me the figments of my youth
I can carry my life on my back up to the top of the earth
I can stand at the edge of the corner of the continent
I can move like the sea and work like the bee
As though mine is the only work that exists
Until I reach the pinnacle of faith in God
And stand at the ledge of the western corner of the world
And shout up to the sky, to the universe, to the Heavens, to God,
"Can you see me now?!
I am an ant on this earth
Like a pin prick in a vast of holes
Conceived for one form in unity
I have no desire to be seen
No desires for any things
But, for the world I left for this one
The world of life in my dreams."

Friday, December 21, 2012

Just Another Day to Begin.

What if.. December 21st is just another day?
What if you woke up today and everything seemed to be just like the day before? 
What if something passed through our sleeping, vulnerable mind?
What if a change occurred?
What if it was a change in our conscience as a humankind?
What if suddenly everyone became aware that something was different.
What if it was easy to love.
Not possessive love. 
Love through believing.
Maybe a mass consciousness of human beings will believe finally love IS the way, the truth, and the life. 
What if you woke up today and felt different. 
What if you only had the capacity to love your neighbor as yourself. 
What if you woke today and you just knew your heart was opened wider. 
What if today the more people you past by the more love you felt for each of them. 
What if today you talked to a friend and noticed them with a new light and they in you.
What if Christ's love woke you up with blinding white light.
What if it encompassed your whole vision?
Like you've suddenly went blind
And had no control of opening and closing your eyes
You couldn't see anything at all but brilliant light.
All you could do was believe in the light.
What if that all occurs within us, and we have the choice to live in that light or fight against it within ourselves. 

"Fear not, for I am with thee"  Isaiah 41:10
"Be still and know I am God" Psalm 46:10
"The only thing to fear, is fear itself." FDR
"All the commandments: You shall not commit adultery, you shall not kill, you shall not steal, you shall not covet, and so on, are summed up in this single command: You must love your neighbor as yourself." Jesus Christ
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  John 13:34



Choose to live in love. Nothing else. 


Not in fear. Not in judgement. Not in selfishness. Not in denial.



Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Monday, November 12, 2012

In the end, you don't need to learn another hard lesson.
You need nothing but to walk in trust.


Sunday, November 11, 2012

passion

I am not a madman
I'm a lover
I lose myself in love
and go mad

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Thursday, October 25, 2012

If

If I were a train, I'd be late.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Friday, October 05, 2012

I failed, and the only thing good I can hope for is change.

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Thursday, September 27, 2012

"Life is what you're missing while you aren't making plans."  

- Luke Daniel Mathers

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

"I AM the way, the truth, and the light."  - Jesus Christ

Sunday, September 23, 2012


Matthew 18 

1In that hour came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven? 2And he called to him a little child, and set him in the midst of them, 3and said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye turn, and become as little children, ye shall in no wise enter into the kingdom of heaven.4Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me: 6But whoso shall cause one of these little ones that believe on me to stumble, it is profitable for him that a great millstone should be hanged about his neck, and that he should be sunk in the depth of the sea.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

I am
from then on
the simpler of men
the wooliest of fools
the singleton of squares
the blissing mind of windmills
the pedal flight of flowers
the hardest cornerstone
the sign thats always shown



Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Sunday, September 16, 2012

the beach boys, pet sounds

Since birth, music has been close to my ears. Recently, I rediscovered a song that blew me away with the earliest memories of my life. Laying on shag carpet on a sunny day light coming through the window on the second floor house in the woods. Light and music, and laying on my back rolling around while my mother was ironing listening to records on an orange plastic Fisher Price record player. 45's of the Beach Boys. My mother musta been listening to Pet Sounds as well. The song, it turns out, is Pet Sounds, the title track off that album; I can't remember ever hearing it again in my teenage or adult life. Its a new memory. It's the power of music.
Floating on a beam of light in ethereal surf guitar triumphant horns jungly rhythms empowering bass and mysterious cadences. Early birth sighs that carry me to a pure wide open thought free absorbing pure innocence and being taken way beyond by the experience of music in the beginning of my life.
And the same can be said for the entire Pet Sounds album for me.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

I used to make love.
Or did I?
Can you make love
Or just give it?
Can you take love
Or just ignore it?
Can you lose love
Or just lose a part of yourself?

Sunday, September 09, 2012


                                                       




                                                        "G  o  d   made the program


               
S wall o w e d  it  w h o l e
                                                       
                                                           

                                                          J  e  s  u  s   made it easy




                      I  c e   made   it   cold."









 - 'Polish' by Fugazi

Thursday, September 06, 2012


If today was not an endless highway,
If tonight was not a crooked trail,
If tomorrow wasn't such a long time,
Then lonesome would mean nothing to you at all.
Yes, and only if my own true love was waitin',
Yes, and if I could hear her heart a-softly poundin',
Only if she was lyin' by me,
Then I'd lie in my bed once again.
I can't see my reflection in the waters,
I can't speak the sounds that show no pain,
I can't hear the echo of my footsteps,
Or can't remember the sound of my own name.
Yes, and only if my own true love was waitin',
Yes, and if I could hear her heart a-softly poundin',
Only if she was lyin' by me,
Then I'd lie in my bed once again.

There's beauty in the silver, singin' river,
There's beauty in the sunrise in the sky,
But none of these and nothing else can touch the beauty
That I remember in my true love's eyes.
Yes, and only if my own true love was waitin',
Yes, and if I could hear her heart a-softly poundin',
Only if she was lyin' by me,
Then I'd lie in my bed once again.

"Tomorrow Is A Long Time" written by Bob Dylan



Wednesday, September 05, 2012

"Boldly, I gave my whole heart to you. No one else did I pour all my trust and my self. It didn't come easy to find another heart so much like mine, that accepted so much, to invest their time. And with all my trust I fell in love with you so easily, for the person you showed was so pure in soul. So much like  my soul, yet so much your own, I could stand back and look at you in admiration and with the truest love I've ever known. No one before you had made me content, to live one day at a time without regret. Although we knew, all things must pass, I tried to defy that and keep you forever. I would do anything for you, that you surely knew. But maybe I tried to hard...who took for granted of who? Boldly, passionately, and sometimes ruggedly, I truly loved all the unique parts of you. Every smooth curve and every hard edge. Every soft word and every harsh thing you said. In true love, I accepted your many parts. All of them, I could lovingly endure, except the part that admitted, you didn't love my heart."
"When the sun has set, no candle can replace it." - George R.R. Martin

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

10.10.07

Drinking whiskey on a Sunday
after someone died
wearing black and
sitting on naugahyde
time keeps nothing
rhymes keep repeating.
Death makes me sensitive.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Carl Jung Typology Test.

I am an INFJ Type Personality.


Introverted iNtuiting Feeling Judging
by Marina Margaret Heiss
INFJs are distinguished by both their complexity of character and the unusual range and depth of their talents. Strongly humanitarian in outlook, INFJs tend to be idealists, and because of their J preference for closure and completion, they are generally "doers" as well as dreamers. This rare combination of vision and practicality often results in INFJs taking a disproportionate amount of responsibility in the various causes to which so many of them seem to be drawn.
INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people -- a product of the Feeling function they most readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soul mates." While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent "givers." As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood -- particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type.
Due in part to the unique perspective produced by this alternation between detachment and involvement in the lives of the people around them, INFJs may well have the clearest insights of all the types into the motivations of others, for good and for evil. The most important contributing factor to this uncanny gift, however, are the empathic abilities often found in Fs, which seem to be especially heightened in the INFJ type (possibly by the dominance of the introverted N function).
This empathy can serve as a classic example of the two-edged nature of certain INFJ talents, as it can be strong enough to cause discomfort or pain in negative or stressful situations. More explicit inner conflicts are also not uncommon in INFJs; it is possible to speculate that the causes for some of these may lie in the specific combinations of preferences which define this complex type. For instance, there can sometimes be a "tug-of-war" between NF vision and idealism and the J practicality that urges compromise for the sake of achieving the highest priority goals. And the I and J combination, while perhaps enhancing self-awareness, may make it difficult for INFJs to articulate their deepest and most convoluted feelings.
Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. Since in addition they often possess a strong personal charisma, INFJs are generally well-suited to the "inspirational" professions such as teaching (especially in higher education) and religious leadership. Psychology and counseling are other obvious choices, but overall, INFJs can be exceptionally difficult to pigeonhole by their career paths. Perhaps the best example of this occurs in the technical fields. Many INFJs perceive themselves at a disadvantage when dealing with the mystique and formality of "hard logic", and in academic terms this may cause a tendency to gravitate towards the liberal arts rather than the sciences. However, the significant minority of INFJs who do pursue studies and careers in the latter areas tend to be as successful as their T counterparts, as it is *iNtuition* -- the dominant function for the INFJ type -- which governs the ability to understand abstract theory and implement it creatively.
In their own way, INFJs are just as much "systems builders" as are INTJs; the difference lies in that most INFJ "systems" are founded on human beings and human values, rather than information and technology. Their systems may for these reasons be conceptually "blurrier" than analogous NT ones, harder to measure in strict numerical terms, and easier to take for granted -- yet it is these same underlying reasons which make the resulting contributions to society so vital and profound.
Copyright © 1996-2011 by Marina Margaret Heiss and Joe Butt

Famous INFJs:
Nathan, prophet of Israel
Aristophanes
Chaucer
Goethe
Robert Burns, Scottish poet
U.S. Presidents:
Martin Van Buren
James Earl "Jimmy" Carter
Nathaniel Hawthorne
Fanny Crosby, (blind) hymnist
Mother Teresa of Calcutta
Fred McMurray (My Three Sons)
Shirley Temple Black, child actor, ambassador
Martin Luther King, Jr., civil rights leader, martyr
James Reston, newspaper reporter
Shirley MacLaine (Sweet Charity, ...)
Piers Anthony, author ("Xanth" series)
Michael Landon (Little House on the Prairie)
Tom Selleck
John Katz, critic, author
Paul Stookey (Peter, Paul and Mary)
U. S. Senator Carol Moseley-Braun (D-IL)
Billy Crystal
Garry Trudeau (Doonesbury)
Nelson Mandela
Mel Gibson
Carrie Fisher
Nicole Kidman
Jerry Seinfeld
Jamie Foxx
Sela Ward
Mark Harmon
Gary Dourdan
Marg Helgaberger
Evangeline Lilly
Tori May


                                     Portrait of an INFJ - Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging


(Introverted Intuition with Extraverted Feeling)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Protector


As an INFJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit with your personal value system.


INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.


INFJs place great importance on havings things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk.

INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. As an extreme example, some INFJs report experiences of a psychic nature, such as getting strong feelings about there being a problem with a loved one, and discovering later that they were in a car accident. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the INFJ themself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized. Consequently, most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive.


But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress.


Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubborness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. They believe that they're right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families.


INFJ is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective. They make loving parents and usually have strong bonds with their offspring. They have high expectations of their children, and push them to be the best that they can be. This can sometimes manifest itself in the INFJ being hard-nosed and stubborn. But generally, children of an INFJ get devoted and sincere parental guidance, combined with deep caring.


In the workplace, the INFJ usually shows up in areas where they can be creative and somewhat independent. They have a natural affinity for art, and many excel in the sciences, where they make use of their intuition. INFJs can also be found in service-oriented professions. They are not good at dealing with minutia or very detailed tasks. The INFJ will either avoid such things, or else go to the other extreme and become enveloped in the details to the extent that they can no longer see the big picture. An INFJ who has gone the route of becoming meticulous about details may be highly critical of other individuals who are not.


The INFJ individual is gifted in ways that other types are not. Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.



                                                                   INFJ Relationships

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
INFJs are warm and affirming people who are usually also deep and complex. They're likely to seek out and promote relationships that are intense and meaningful. They tend to be perfectionists, and are always striving for the Ultimate Relationship. For the most part, this is a positive feature, but sometimes works against the INFJ if they fall into the habit of moving from relationship to relationship, always in search of a more perfect partner. In general, the INFJ is a deeply warm and caring person who is highly invested in the health of their close relationships, and puts forth a lot of effort to make them positive. They are valued by those close to them for these special qualities. They seek long-term, lifelong relationships, although they don't always find them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                                                                       INFJ Strengths
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Warm and affirming by nature
Dedicated to achieving the ultimate relationship
Sensitive and concerned for others' feelings
Usually have good communication skills, especially written
Take their commitments very seriously, and seek lifelong relationships
Have very high expectations for themselves and others (both a strength and weakness)
Good listeners
Are able to move on after a relationship has ended (once they're sure it's over)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


                                                                      INFJ Weaknesses
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tendency to hold back part of themselves
Not good with money or practical day-to-day life necessities
Extreme dislike of conflict and criticism
Have very high expectations for themselves and others (both a strength and weakness)
Have difficulty leaving a bad relationship
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------


                                                                        INFJs as Lovers
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before." -- Rollo May


INFJs are warm, considerate partners who feel great depth of love for their partners. They enjoy showing this love, and want to receive affirmation back from their mates.


They are perfectionists, constantly striving to achieve the Perfect Relationship. This can sometimes be frustrating to their mates, who may feel put upon by the INFJs demanding perfectionism. However, it may also be greatly appreciated, because it indicates a sincere commitment to the relationship, and a depth of caring which is not usually present in other types.


Sexually, INFJs view intimacy as a nearly spiritual experience. They embrace the opportunity to bond heart and soul with their mates. As service-oriented individuals, it's very important to them that their mates are happy. Intimacy is an opportunity for the INFJ to selflessly give their love, and experience it in a tangible way.


Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, INFJ's natural partner is the ENTP, or the ENFP. INFJ's dominant function of Introverted Intuition is best matched with a personality type that is dominated by Extraverted Intuition. How did we arrive at this?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


                                                                     INFJs as Parents
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth...
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable." -- Kahlil Gibran

INFJs usually make warm and caring parents. Their goal is to help their children become adults who know the difference between right and wrong, and who are independent, growth-oriented individuals.


Along the path to that goal they are generally very warm and caring, and are likely to treat their children as individuals who have a voice in family decisions. They want their children to be able to think for themselves, and make the right decisions. They also can be quite demanding on their children, and may have very high expectations for their behavior. Although they are generally soft-spoken and gentle, they may become stubborn and sharp-tongued at times when their expectations aren't met, or when under a lot of stress.


INFJs take their parenting role with ultimate seriousness. They will make sacrifices for the sake of their children without a second thought, and without remorse. Passing on their values to their children is a serious priority in their lives. Children of INFJs remember their parents fondly as warm, patient, and inspirational.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


                                                                INFJs as Friends
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Although the INFJ is likely to put friends behind their God and their families in terms of importance, they do value their friendships. As idealists who have strong value systems, INFJs seek authenticity and depth in their close relationships, and especially value people who can see and appreciate the INFJ for who they are and what they stand for.


The INFJ is likely to spend a lot of time socialing with family members. If they are religious, they probably are social with members of their religious community. After that, the INFJ may have friends represented from any of the personality types. They are usually extremely intuitive individuals, who will have no patience for anyone they feel is dishonest or corrupt. They'll have no interest in being around these kinds of people.


All kinds of people are drawn towards the INFJ. They are usually quite popular, although they may be unaware of it themselves, because they don't place a lot of importance on it.


The INFJ is valued by their close friends for their warmth and consideration, their new and interesting ways of looking at things, and for their ability to inspire and motivate others to be the best that they can be.


 

Monday, August 13, 2012

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Past Essays: Capturing a Passion.



    At one time, the Queen of England owned a large portion of the southern central Canadian islands.  One particular secluded isle was sold to my uncle who was a real estate agent and avid fisherman from northern Minnesota.  He named it Laughing Loon Island, after the mysterious state bird of Minnesota.
    Laughing Loon Island was a place of quiet refuge.  I was first brought there following my grandmother's funeral in Nisswa, Minnesota.  It was almost my thirteenth birthday in the summer of 1992.  Before my parents drove back home to Arizona, they left me with my uncle, aunt, and cousin.  They assumed that a trip to the island would take my mind off the death of my grandmother.  I remember saying goodbye to my family with a mixture of hesitation and excitement because I knew they would be driving home still grieving for my grandmother, while i would be flying away on an adventure.
    I was excited about going over the border into another country.  I could not wait to be flying in a small, perhaps dangerous float plane, using an outhouse for a bathroom, and living without electricity.  I imagined an adventure of a woodman's dreams.  I pictured myself fishing in the morning and fishing in the evening; sharing the forest with the likes of grizzly bears and moose; eating the best hand caught meals cooked over a coal iron stove or an open flame.  Indeed, I didn't think twice about going to the island.
    Each day on the island was full of new experiences and things to see.  My uncle usually left me and my cousin free to explore the five acres of the island.  The air was so heavenly pure and unharmed, I could smell the cotton in my white t-shirt and the fish underwater.  My eyes ran from shear clean briskness in the clear morning.
    I remember stopping to sit on the ledge of a rock and looking towards the surrounding islands.  Everywhere in my vision there were dense green thickets meeting deep blue waters.  The nearest cabin was miles of wilderness away.  We were alone on the little island, and the uninhabited wilderness was open for me.
    Another day I hopped in the little aluminum boat with my fishing tackle and gear.  I felt so happy to have my own boat and to be able to glide across the water like a duck in total control. I came across flocks of loons and geese, different types of birds, a few otters and beavers swimming on their backs, and an occasional bald eagle.
    Soon, my curiosity led me to another discovery.  I portaged my boat through a forestation of wet peat moss, poison ivy, and clinging ticks into a smaller lake named Black.  I saw from one end to the other the dense forest and tall grass around the perimeter.  The water in Black lake, unclear and dark, almost made a gold wake behind the little, ten-horse motorboat.  I began to fish for walleye near the beaver dams, just as I had been taught by my uncle.
    Suddenly, as if Moses had appeared, a black bull moose emerged from the tree line!  This was a moose with such mammoth-size and proportion, that a six-foot man could stand under its belly!  I was a frozen jaw-hung human observer of nature and beauty, but the moose was not aware of my presence.  After a while of wallowing slowly through the tall grass, it disappeared into the brush.
    Floating on the way back to the island, I spotted a Canadian flag tied to a tree that was standing alone at the point tip of another island.
    "How long has that flag been on that tree? How often do other people come through these parts?" I thought to myself. "What's happened to the Queen of England? Where are the presidents and prime ministers? Where is my grandmother who passed away only eight days ago, as I sit alone in a tin boat in the middle of nowhere and nothing?" I pondered. "Man could not exist at all, and I could still be sitting here in this boat not knowing."
    At night in the cabin, underneath the cold blankets of my bed that were pulled tight over my head, I could hear the loon's call somewhere out in the black night.  The hauntingly eerie, high-pitched patterns of the loon, danced over the lake.  Their sounds conjured about thoughts that swirled in my mind.  I thought about the bears that might be outside my door ready to eat me.  I wondered what we would do if the plane broke down and we were stranded on the island.  I thought about my family far away in the desert.  I wondered how long I could stand to be apart from them.  I dreamed of someday owning my own island too.  I thought about becoming a bush pilot to help preserve the forests.  I thought about being a fat, old, bearded man in a cabin in the woods somewhere in desolate Canada like this.  I battled all sorts of fears and aspirations by dreaming of more to conquer.  I kept a candle lit through the night for comfort, but I knew I was beginning to enjoy being in the middle of nowhere without guidance.  It was becoming natural to me.
    As we flew away from Laughing Loon Island in my uncle's plane, I looked out the window to watch it fading away.  My time on the island had gone too fast.  I had a feeling that I would not be coming back for a long time.  I knew I would be going back to the desert soon, surrounded by my family and friends again.  I knew I would be back in the speed of everyday life and its duties.  I realized this experience had been full of wisdom and growth, and that I could never take that for granted; I never have.  In many ways, my trip to the island built the foundation of my passion for living life to the fullest.