Monday, February 20, 2017

INFJ


I spent some time in anxiety over my weekend today, dear diarya of my thoughts...
I wondered why I can never leave my house much, and do the things I think about doing while I'm working... its a three day weekend, I feel like I wasted. I totally blew it, and this kind of thing bums me out. So I put my thumbs over my eyes and massaged them for a few minutes, and this is what returned to my memory INFJ... so I re-read my portrait, it explains this anxiety., and perhaps more of the roots to why I changed jobs.  Have I gotten too weak to extend that much energy to people in one day? Hence, the mello, much quieter new position I have purposely put myself in.... ....... ...... ....... ....farms..deltas ...blues... back roads....long looks.... slow time.. no city.... another city?... wasting time? Wrote myself into anxiety.


Portrait of an INFJ - Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging
(Introverted Intuition with Extraverted Feeling)

The Protector

As an INFJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit with your personal value system.
INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.
INFJs place great importance on havings things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk.
INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. As an extreme example, some INFJs report experiences of a psychic nature, such as getting strong feelings about there being a problem with a loved one, and discovering later that they were in a car accident. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the INFJ themself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized. Consequently, most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive.
But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress.
Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubborness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. They believe that they're right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don't believe in compromising their ideals.
INFJ is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective. They make loving parents and usually have strong bonds with their offspring. They have high expectations of their children, and push them to be the best that they can be. This can sometimes manifest itself in the INFJ being hard-nosed and stubborn. But generally, children of an INFJ get devoted and sincere parental guidance, combined with deep caring.
In the workplace, the INFJ usually shows up in areas where they can be creative and somewhat independent. They have a natural affinity for art, and many excel in the sciences, where they make use of their intuition. INFJs can also be found in service-oriented professions. They are not good at dealing with minutia or very detailed tasks. The INFJ will either avoid such things, or else go to the other extreme and become enveloped in the details to the extent that they can no longer see the big picture. An INFJ who has gone the route of becoming meticulous about details may be highly critical of other individuals who are not.
The INFJ individual is gifted in ways that other types are not. Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.

Matthew 19:24

It has been said. "Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God."

Whom for then God, shall I give my house?
How for then Lord, shall I share my lot?
What then Lord, shall I do for you?

When a man sits atop a mountain in his castle, what good is his castle if it is empty?
With a house full of riches, but empty of family, what then, is the worth of the occupant?

On earth, in the eyes of God, I believe I am a rich man. Wealth in land and goods and friends. But what good am I, if I keep it for myself?

There are rules for belief in religion. There are ways to live righteously. And there are commandments that shouldn't be broken. So many rules that keep me from making a decision that would help me share what I have, as well as help me cover the cost of living that is growing.

To live with another, and share the wealth I have been blessed with can go two ways.
Marriage or friendship.  Ideally, I choose the former. But since I am not suited with a love, or a wife, I have to choose the latter. If I choose at all. But that complicates living so much more. 

In my domesticated earthly life, I do not want to live with another male. I'm just not fond of that idea at all. I've spent my time as bachelor long enough. Far, far too long I feel. And the longer a man lives alone, the longer away are his chances at having a successful life in marriage. 

Yet, here I am; wealthy in roof, wealthy in accommodations, wealthy in house and home, but with not the means to share it, the way God sees sharing it rightfully.

Sunday, February 19, 2017

Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters

Today in this pseudo-social society our presence is as meaningful as a paper airplane
Words are still important to some, pictures more important to others
the self; most important to most
Can you see the sky? Can you feel the morning?
Are you called by something greater
Are you in New York City? Are you in the ground?
I thank the Lord for the people I have found
If I was in Spanish Harlem I'd still smile unbelongingly
Some hobos drown
Some loiters leave
I'd drive all the way to Staten Island
to receive the light in my eyes and find
Living in the city gets so small
There's nothing more to do to love my animals
But their affection is the same for their food bowl
If I played the game of thrones, I'd be John Snow.